As promised, I'm back again with another post on a topic that is so close to my heart - relationships. The things I have to say are not new concepts. You'll find no instant fix or magic potion here. Just some ideas that are really back to basics. It seems to me that the first thing I should write about is "What is Love?" I'll branch out from there.
Looking up "love" on dictionary.com and scanning through the definitions, the one that popped out at me was under noun: "the affectionate concern for the well-being of others."
Going further, I looked up the word Love on wikipedia.org to see what had been posted there. "In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion and affection."
On a higher authority, the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13 (The Message version)
"Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies."
There are other definitions out there of "love"... but this love is what our relationships should be based on. Whether your relationship is between you and a friend, a spouse, a child, a partner.... Love is, simply put, an action. I've learned this over the years, sometimes from tough lessons. I think I'll let the definitions sink in a bit and hope you'll read them over more than once.
More tomorrow! Thanks for reading! ~ Dawnee
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Things That Go Bump in the Night
Our daughter and 3 small children moved from Illinois and in with us a few weeks ago. Those of you who know me can understand how crowded this small 2 bedroom home is already. Adding 4 more people is like shoving an extra bag of trash in the garbage can and having to stand on the back jumping up and down to make room for the lid! Aside from the coziness of the situation, we are thrilled to have them here with us. Laura, our daughter, is a nurse waiting for her Oregon licensing to go through so she can take her pick from all the job offers she's received. In the meantime, the poor girl is getting a bit stir crazy I'm sure. She and the kids use the living room as their bedroom which is probably driving her insane at this point, especially tonite. Her nine month old daughter Baileigh has decided that she doesn't need to sleep tonite. It is 5 AM and Laura has been cuddled on the couch watching movies to keep herself occupied as Baileigh works off some of her energy playing on the floor. YO and I had been asleep for a few hours when I awoke to a loud BANG! coming from the living room followed by the wails of Baileigh. She seems to think she is much older than she is, and has been trying walk a bit while holding on to furniture. Not a great thing on a hardwood floor in the middle of the night! I'm not quite sure how a toothless child can bleed so much from her mouth ... but boy did she ever! After the shock of the fall she took, she was perfectly fine and content to suck on a cold washcloth and be cooed over. In my sleepy mind, it seemed like a good idea to get on here and share. And now, may sleep find each of us in this home, and may the short amount we receive find us fully rested in the morning. Thanks for reading!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Random Strangers
Never before have I worked somewhere that has given me the opportunity to meet so many brokenhearted people with so many touching stories. To be fair, they aren't all brokenhearted anymore; many of them I talk to have just moved on in their lives.
The busiest time of the year to work at a cemetery is Memorial Day weekend. I'm always amazed at how many people come to spread flowers and stand over the graves of their loved ones to remember them. Personally, I remember my brother Chris throughout the year. Sometimes with tears, sometimes just with happy memories. I've no grave to stand over for him, which suits me just fine. He would find that morbid anyway. Instead, I have the South Falls at Silver Falls State Park. What a glorious place to stand and remember the funny, kind, intelligent, loving man I was blessed enough to have in my life for 28 years.
But this post isn't about Christopher. However, I see within myself the need to tell his story. This post is about a gentleman named Mr. Guan .
Mr. Guan is an 84 year old gentleman from Thailand, whom I first saw in April during the Chinese Memorial Day weekend. I noticed him instantly when I walked up the stairs at work because this distinguished gentleman had his eyes sewn shut. He was sitting on a couch in the reception room waiting for his ride home after having delivered flowers to his wife's grave. He looked to be sleeping, so I left him alone.
This weekend, Mr. Guam came back to deliver more flowers to his wife's grave and I had the opportunity to talk with him. Well, to question him, because I am always full of questions. He seemed happy to have someone to visit with, and after the niceties of polite introduction, my first question for him was "How did you lose your eyesight?" I'm not one to shy away from people's physical infirmities, obviously.
In 1964, Mr. Guan worked as a boat hand. Now, the language barrier between us made it difficult for me to follow every word he spoke, but I was able to glean this: The boat he worked on was bombed, and the heat of the explosion burned his eyes. He was taken to the United States where his eyelids were sealed shut against the dead orbs that would no longer allow him sight. In his mind, he still sees the blue sky, flowers, his loved ones faces. He recently told a friend who also in her 80's, that to him, she will be forever young, because that is all he *sees* of her in his mind.
When Mr. Guan decided that he wanted to stay in the United States, immigration mistakenly assumed he was Chinese and translated his last name to Kuan. For 45 years his passport has him listed with the wrong last name. How odd to me that he didn't insist they change the K to a G.
His wife, whom he had known and loved since they were ten years old, immigrated to the States to be with him. Because she was a nurse in their native land, she was able to find a job in Portland working for one of the hospitals there. Mr. Guan got a job working at the same hospital as an x-ray film developer. How a blind man is able to develop film I will never know. That was one question I didn't ask.
It's easy to look at someone like Mr. Guan and be impressed with his ability to overcome the obstacle of blindness, find a career he enjoyed for more than 20 years, raise three children in a new country and maintain the gentle nature he seems to have. That isn't what impressed me about him however.
Twenty years ago, his wife came down with Alzheimer's. From what he told me, she became somewhat violent which is typical of the the disease. Still, he cared for her at home. She had a stroke in the 90's to top off the Alzheimer's and her doctor insisted that Mr. Guan wasn't in the position to care for her full time. His love was moved to a nursing home, which he visited daily. She died when they were both 80 years old (70 years of knowing and loving each other) of pneumonia. The only real anger he carries to this day is that she wasn't properly diagnosed and taken care of. She was four days into the pneumonia before anything was done. By that time, it was too late.
What impressed me most about this gentleman was that he was able to love one woman his whole life, through thick and thin. That to this day, he misses her enough to get on a bus, come to a cemetery and rely on others to take him to her grave where he places 4 dozen of her favorite roses. Once the task of his remembrance is done, he sits in our lobby for more than an hour alone, waiting for the bus to come back and drive him home. When I asked him why he didn't move to California or Texas to be near his children, his only relatives, he said "I can't leave my wife here alone. Besides, I can't *see* my children but I can hear their voices on the phone."
I wonder, when he passes away, who will remember him? How many lives has he touched? Who will think about this gentle blind man who loved his wife so much? I will certainly try. Maybe I'll come back and read this now and again just to remember. This will be my way of spreading flowers on a grave. Until that time, I look forward to seeing him again.
The busiest time of the year to work at a cemetery is Memorial Day weekend. I'm always amazed at how many people come to spread flowers and stand over the graves of their loved ones to remember them. Personally, I remember my brother Chris throughout the year. Sometimes with tears, sometimes just with happy memories. I've no grave to stand over for him, which suits me just fine. He would find that morbid anyway. Instead, I have the South Falls at Silver Falls State Park. What a glorious place to stand and remember the funny, kind, intelligent, loving man I was blessed enough to have in my life for 28 years.
But this post isn't about Christopher. However, I see within myself the need to tell his story. This post is about a gentleman named Mr. Guan .
Mr. Guan is an 84 year old gentleman from Thailand, whom I first saw in April during the Chinese Memorial Day weekend. I noticed him instantly when I walked up the stairs at work because this distinguished gentleman had his eyes sewn shut. He was sitting on a couch in the reception room waiting for his ride home after having delivered flowers to his wife's grave. He looked to be sleeping, so I left him alone.
This weekend, Mr. Guam came back to deliver more flowers to his wife's grave and I had the opportunity to talk with him. Well, to question him, because I am always full of questions. He seemed happy to have someone to visit with, and after the niceties of polite introduction, my first question for him was "How did you lose your eyesight?" I'm not one to shy away from people's physical infirmities, obviously.
In 1964, Mr. Guan worked as a boat hand. Now, the language barrier between us made it difficult for me to follow every word he spoke, but I was able to glean this: The boat he worked on was bombed, and the heat of the explosion burned his eyes. He was taken to the United States where his eyelids were sealed shut against the dead orbs that would no longer allow him sight. In his mind, he still sees the blue sky, flowers, his loved ones faces. He recently told a friend who also in her 80's, that to him, she will be forever young, because that is all he *sees* of her in his mind.
When Mr. Guan decided that he wanted to stay in the United States, immigration mistakenly assumed he was Chinese and translated his last name to Kuan. For 45 years his passport has him listed with the wrong last name. How odd to me that he didn't insist they change the K to a G.
His wife, whom he had known and loved since they were ten years old, immigrated to the States to be with him. Because she was a nurse in their native land, she was able to find a job in Portland working for one of the hospitals there. Mr. Guan got a job working at the same hospital as an x-ray film developer. How a blind man is able to develop film I will never know. That was one question I didn't ask.
It's easy to look at someone like Mr. Guan and be impressed with his ability to overcome the obstacle of blindness, find a career he enjoyed for more than 20 years, raise three children in a new country and maintain the gentle nature he seems to have. That isn't what impressed me about him however.
Twenty years ago, his wife came down with Alzheimer's. From what he told me, she became somewhat violent which is typical of the the disease. Still, he cared for her at home. She had a stroke in the 90's to top off the Alzheimer's and her doctor insisted that Mr. Guan wasn't in the position to care for her full time. His love was moved to a nursing home, which he visited daily. She died when they were both 80 years old (70 years of knowing and loving each other) of pneumonia. The only real anger he carries to this day is that she wasn't properly diagnosed and taken care of. She was four days into the pneumonia before anything was done. By that time, it was too late.
What impressed me most about this gentleman was that he was able to love one woman his whole life, through thick and thin. That to this day, he misses her enough to get on a bus, come to a cemetery and rely on others to take him to her grave where he places 4 dozen of her favorite roses. Once the task of his remembrance is done, he sits in our lobby for more than an hour alone, waiting for the bus to come back and drive him home. When I asked him why he didn't move to California or Texas to be near his children, his only relatives, he said "I can't leave my wife here alone. Besides, I can't *see* my children but I can hear their voices on the phone."
I wonder, when he passes away, who will remember him? How many lives has he touched? Who will think about this gentle blind man who loved his wife so much? I will certainly try. Maybe I'll come back and read this now and again just to remember. This will be my way of spreading flowers on a grave. Until that time, I look forward to seeing him again.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
When you Love Them So Much
How is it that another human can get so under your skin that you care more about them than you do for yourself? I remember when I was younger wondering if I had enough in me to love children the way they deserved to be loved. I needn't have worried. With each of my four kids, my heart seemed to swell to be able to hold the love I would automatically feel for them. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I've hurt people. I've been hurt. When my kids hurt though -- that is the greatest hurt of all.
My beautiful daughter Rae, had her heart broken today. When I say broken, I mean torn out, ripped apart, tossed on the ground and stomped into the dirt broken. Oh the torturous things I'd love to do to the young man who dared put her in this teenage torment! Not knowing what to say to her, I listened. Not knowing what to do, I held her. Unable to see the future, I counseled her to get through each moment one at a time. Each moment she makes it through will bring her closer to the moment her entire being no longer hurts.
The hardest part is being unable to plug a zip drive into my experiences and load them over to her head and heart so that she will have the full knowledge that I do. The death of this relationship will be the fertilizer for future more incredible relationships. Right now, all she sees is the fertilizer.
And all I see is a broken young woman. One who feels unloved.. unlovable. One who believes she lacks in beauty, intelligence and humor. All she really lacks are the eyes and the heart of the mom who can see so much more in her than she could ever imagine.
I'm not sure that I love my kids the way they deserve to be loved. I do know that the love I feel for them is more than I ever expected. I pray it's a healing love.
My beautiful daughter Rae, had her heart broken today. When I say broken, I mean torn out, ripped apart, tossed on the ground and stomped into the dirt broken. Oh the torturous things I'd love to do to the young man who dared put her in this teenage torment! Not knowing what to say to her, I listened. Not knowing what to do, I held her. Unable to see the future, I counseled her to get through each moment one at a time. Each moment she makes it through will bring her closer to the moment her entire being no longer hurts.
The hardest part is being unable to plug a zip drive into my experiences and load them over to her head and heart so that she will have the full knowledge that I do. The death of this relationship will be the fertilizer for future more incredible relationships. Right now, all she sees is the fertilizer.
And all I see is a broken young woman. One who feels unloved.. unlovable. One who believes she lacks in beauty, intelligence and humor. All she really lacks are the eyes and the heart of the mom who can see so much more in her than she could ever imagine.
I'm not sure that I love my kids the way they deserve to be loved. I do know that the love I feel for them is more than I ever expected. I pray it's a healing love.
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